Purple Pain
by onebigscribble
Summary: It's Hermione's 21st Birthday and she is convinced that she'll never attract a certain Weasley twin. Fred has the a seemingly perfect plan to get Hermione alone. But how will they fare when faced with tempers, big mouths, angry cats, hangovers, and truth or dare? Written for the TE September Challenge. Rated M for language and adult scenes. Fred/Hermione.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling and unfortunately not to me.  
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**A/N: Hey guys :) This is my entry for the September Twin Exchange Challenge. The prompts I used are:  
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_Purple_

_Humming_

_Crookshanks_

_Hermione/Fred _

_"I said some awful things that night, didn't I?"_

_"You know I'm not a fan of Wizards Chess." "The mere thought of it has my fingers tingling."_

_Hermione's Birthday – 19th September_

**Hope you enjoy :)  
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**Oh and this is rated M for a reason so if you're underage then please don't read :) This fic contains strong language and also some sex. If this offends then don't read :)  
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September Twin Exchange Challenge

Purple Pain

Hermione stood in the toilets at the Three Broomsticks staring at her reflection in the chipped and dirty mirror. "Stupid bloody hair!" She exclaimed to herself as she manoeuvred strands of wild curly hair around her face. She couldn't believe it was her twenty-first birthday and instead of celebrating with her friends in the main room, she was swaying drunkenly in front of a bathroom mirror trying to get the birds nest on her head to look even remotely presentable. How was she supposed to get Fred to look at her if all he saw was a girl with hair that looked like it had been stolen from an electrocuted sheep?!

"Ugh!" Hermione said, throwing her hands up in the air. "No bloody point!" She had spent the better part of the day trying desperately to make the mop on her head presentable but with no avail. Actually, she was pretty sure that she'd only succeeded in making it worse. With one final critical glance at herself, Hermione turned to go.

"Probably best, dear," The mirror said. "Some people just have bad hair."

"Piss off!" Hermione said over her shoulder as she reached the door.

"How rude!" She heard faintly as she walked back into the main room of the pub, trying desperately to put her insecurities out of her mind and focus on enjoying herself.

Harry and Ron assaulted her with drunken hugs as she came back to their table. "You took ages!" Ron said as he pushed Hermione another shot of firewhiskey.

"Yeah, I was beginning to wonder if you'd fallen down the loo!" Harry added, before knocking back his own shot.

"Oh yes, Hermione, you must be careful about spending too long in public toilets. That's where you're most likely to be caught by a Boglurkell..." Luna said, her whimsical voice slurred and her head resting on her hand. Ron choked on his firewhiskey as he tried to hold back a laugh.

"Uh, thanks for that useful advice Luna," Ginny said as she bought another round of drinks to the table. "I think Fred and George are buying you a special cocktail, Hermione," Ginny added and nodded towards the bar.

Hermione swallowed her drink and turned to watch the twins at the bar. She couldn't see what they were ordering, as they were both stood in front of Madam Rosmerta with their heads together. Usually Hermione would be suspicious of such activity, but tonight she was just happy that Fred had decided to get something special for her. He looked particularly good tonight, she thought. His tall physique was a little lither than his twin's and the blue shirt hung from his muscular shoulders flattering his tapering figure. Hermione averted her eyes to the table as the twins turned around to approach.

Suddenly an enormous purple cocktail was placed in front of her as Fred and George flanked her chair humming a drunken and tuneless rendition of 'Happy Birthday'. George sidled around to his chair and sat down with his mischievous grin plastering his face. Hermione, however, was much too interested in Fred's hand resting between her shoulder blades to notice.

"What is it?" She asked, looking up at Fred.

"That would spoil the surprise!" He replied. Hermione frowned in response. "It's just a bit of this, a bit of that. Trust me, it'll taste great." Hermione was captivated by the blue of his eyes and leant down to tentatively try the cocktail. Actually it was pretty good! Fruity and punchy with a hint of something she couldn't place.

o0o

Fred grinned at George as he watched Hermione tuck into the cocktail they had prepared for her. George hadn't believed that she'd accept it but Fred knew that if he stood close enough then she'd trust him.

He knew that she had a thing for him, and he could honestly say that he didn't mind. She'd bloomed into a beautiful witch with pert breasts and a tiny waist, her lips were full, her eyes were bright, but he loved her hair best. It was still wild but it had calmed slightly and was less frizzy, it made him want to bury his hands in the thick locks as he kissed her.

Well, with any luck once the cocktail had worked its magic he could escort her back to Grimmauld Place and make his move while everyone else was out. She certain wouldn't want to stay at the Three Broomsticks once she realised...

"I'm fucking purple!" Hermione shrieked. Fred couldn't contain his laughter anymore and let out a snort of amusement behind his hand. "You bastard!" She exclaimed, turning on him with wild eyes. Fred looked up towards George for moral support only to realise the cheeky arse had slipped away from the table.

Fred stepped back from the table, his smile faltering as Hermione stood in front of him. It was hard not to laugh at the witch who was bright purple from the roots of her hair to her toes. "I can't believe you'd do this to me on my_ birthday_!" She cried as tears started to fall down her violet cheeks.

"I – I didn't..." He started pathetically. This wasn't how the plan was supposed to go.

"You are an immature, loathsome arsehole Fred Weasley! I know you don't like me but you didn't have to make me look like a total idiot in front of an entire pub!" Hermione sobbed.

Now that he looked around Fred realised that other groups of people were sat sniggering at Hermione. Guilt started flooding through his stomach at Hermione's distress. "Now you've got what you wanted and humiliated me, I think I'll just go home," She hissed and turned towards the door.

Fred occasionally experienced what George liked to call a 'Joker Overdose'. Effectively, in emotional situations Fred had the tendency to say something completely inappropriate in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Hey! Hermione, wait! It was only a joke, I'm sure you'll find it funny once you stop PMS-ing!" The words were out of his mouth before he could even try to stop them. Hermione stormed across the room and slapped him across the face. Fred watched helplessly as a bright purple Hermione stormed out and dispparated into the night.

"Bollocks..." He muttered.

"That, Freddie, is not how you win a woman's affections," George sighed from beside him.

"Shut up."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Hermione woke up with one of the worst hangovers she had ever experienced. How much had she drunk last night? Come to think of it, how had she got home last night? Her head felt like someone was wringing out her brain. Hopefully she hadn't done anything too embarrassing last night, she thought as she stretched her arms in the air.

It was only then that she noticed her skin was a slightly faded purple. Ah, now she remembered...

Hermione wasn't sure whether to be horrified at her humiliation, ragingly angry at Fred, or guilty for having slapped him and possibly insulting him.

With a groan, Hermione bundled her duvet around her and crept down to the library to recuperate with a book and hopefully avoid Fred.

Hermione looked up an hour or so later to see Fred sheepishly walking into the library. "Hey," He said, standing awkwardly against the bookcase opposite her.

"Hi," She replied shyly, putting down her book and stroking Crookshanks who was stretched out on the arm of the chair.

"You're less purple now," Fred said with a little smile. Hermione scowled at him and picked a bit of fluff off Crookshanks' back. "Granger I'm really sorry... I didn't think it'd upset you. I just thought it'd be a laugh!" Fred said.

She observed him standing with his hands in his pockets and his ginger hair flopping into his eyes as he apologised. Who was she kidding? She couldn't stay mad at him, he just looked so cute and sorry for upsetting her. Still, she really should be angry at him...

"This is the potion we used to turn you purple," Fred said while pulling out a vial and uncorking the purple liquid. Hermione looked at it blankly and moved her hand off Crookshanks' back as he got up to stretch languidly. "It should only last about a day an-aaaarrrggghhhhh!" Fred cut himself off shouting at Crookshanks who had launched himself across the room and dug his claws into Fred's leg. Hermione hid her smirk behind her book as Fred splashed the purple liquid over himself in his efforts to free his leg from Crookshanks' attack.

Finally, after a minute of thrashing a very purple Fred stood looking disgruntled at Crookshanks as the ginger cat sauntered off with his tall high in the air. "Fucking brilliant," Fred grumbled before throwing himself down onto a sofa. "What I was going to say before your ginger ninja assaulted me was that we were all going for a fry up at some muggle place. Obviously, now I will be remaining here," Fred huffed while producing his wand. He sent a patronus down to George to let him know he wouldn't be joining the others.

"I'm sorry, Fred," Hermione said. She figured he'd suffered enough this morning, thanks to Crookshanks – she'd have to remember to give the cat an extra bit of fuss tonight in gratitude.

"S'alright," He replied.

"I said some really awful things last night, didn't I?" Hermione asked sheepishly.

"Nah it was alright. Nothing as bad as the hangover I have this morning," He replied, running a hand through his now purple hair.

"Join the club," Hermione sighed.

"What we need is a bit of hair of the dog!" Fred exclaimed, his cheeky grin reappearing on his face as he searched the cabinet for a bottle of firewhiskey and some glasses.

Hermione watched as Fred poured out two shots. Her stomach turned at the thought of any more firewhiskey. "Fred... I really don't want a shot," She said.

"Rubbish! You'll feel better. So do you want to play Wizard's Chess drinking games?"

"You know I'm not a fan of Wizards Chess!" Hermione groaned.

"The mere thought of it has my fingers tingling," Fred said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Hermione laughed. "Are you sure that isn't the potion?"

"Maybe," He replied grinning. "Okay... what about Truth or Dare?"

"Fine..." Hermione conceded.

Fred patted the seat of the sofa next to him and still bundled in her duvet Hermione shuffled over to the sofa.

Fred turned around face her and handed her a shot. "Ladies first... Truth or Dare?" He asked.

"Truth," Hermione said wearily. Fred bit his lip as he considered.

"Okay, you have to answer honestly..." He waved his wand and produced a hovering pearlescent ball. "It'll go green if you tell the truth and red if you lie," Fred said cheekily.

"Just get on with it," Hermione grumbled. This was such a mistake.

"Right. How many people have you had sex with?"

"Four," Hermione replied through gritted teeth before throwing back her shot. "Truth or Dare?"

"Truth," He replied.

"Who is your most embarrassing kiss?" She asked, smirking as Fred's cheeks darkened to puce.

"Oliver Wood."

"What?" Hermione almost shrieked as Fred's lie detector glowed green.

"Ironically, it was a dare. Anyway, you next," Fred refilled their glasses.

"Truth,"

"Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about me?"

Hermione very almost choked and she felt her face heat to a shade of purple matching Fred's. "No...?" She replied weakly. As she had expected a great big red light appeared between them.

"Ooh! You lied, you have to have an extra shot and I get to ask another question!" Fred exclaimed. Hermione frowned and drank both shots offered.

"Do you want to kiss me?" He asked. Hermione was suddenly aware how close Fred was and that she could smell the firewhiskey on his breath. Ah, what the hell, he'd know if she was lying anyway.

"Yes."

Fred's lips were on hers before she had even finished the word.

Too shocked to move at first, Hermione suddenly came to her senses and kissed back, wrapping her arms around his neck and deepening the kiss. She moaned as his tongue ran across her top lip and sought access to her mouth. Fred's mouth was so hot and tasted like firewhiskey and toothpaste. He broke away and began placing open mouthed kisses down her neck as he tentatively unbuttoned the shirt she slept in. "Fuck, Granger, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do this to you," he groaned as he freed her breasts.

Hermione arched up into his mouth and ran her hands through his hair. "Fred, people will be back soon," She said breathlessly as he began to remove her knickers.

"Then we'll have to be quick," He replied and came back up to kiss her. Throwing caution to the wind Hermione tugged down his pyjama bottoms that were now tented at the front.

Their moans filled the room as they moved together frantically, the sound of skin on skin and sweat glistening on their bodies.

Caught up in the ecstasy of each other and their approaching climaxes they did not hear the front door. Hermione threw her head back and moaned Fred's name as she tensed around him, pulling him over the edge with her. They lay with their limbs entwined, catching their breath.

"FUCKING HELL!" Ron's bellows broke the moment and they both poked their heads up over the back of the sofa. All they saw was Ron hastily retreating from the doorway and shouting: "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THEY WERE SCREWING!"

There was a murmur of a deep voice.

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, HARRY! YOU WEREN'T THE ONE WHO JUST SAW FRED'S BARE PURPLE _NAKED_ ARSE!"

Fred and Hermione began laughing, pulled the covers over them and rested together on the sofa. Hermione smiled as Fred drew lazy circles on her back, she supposed that this made up for the pain he'd caused her by turning her purple.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading :) Do let me know what you think. Also, if the mood takes you then you can vote for this fic in the Twin Exchange Monthly Challenge after the 20th I think. **

**Scribbles.**

**xx  
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